how i see it

YOU’RE HERE BECAUSE

You’ve been impacted by betrayal from infidelity, problematic compulsive behaviors, sex addiction, and emotional abandonment. 

You feel like you’re in a free fall, with no idea when or where you’ll land. You’re overwhelmed by a flood of emotions—confused, hurt, angry, maybe even numb—and the idea of sharing this with a friend or family member is likely a hard “no” in this moment.

This isn’t something you ever asked for, expected, or even imagined. And yet—here you are; and somehow, this is now part of your journey.

You’re here hoping to find someone to help you make sense of this WTF moment in your life.

If any of this is relateable, take a breath. You're not alone. Your situation is not beyond hope or repair.

The truth about where you are

Your relationship has taken a major hit.
Trust has been broken—and that trust doesn’t repair itself over night or is anything you can just brush past.

You may be tempted to downplay what’s happened:
“It’s not that bad.”
“Other people have been through worse.”

Ignoring won’t help. Pretending this didn’t happen won’t heal you. Comparing diminishes your own experience.

Your relationship is no longer stable, and it needs your attention.

WHAT I KNOW

I’ve walked this path. I didn’t learn how to navigate betrayal from a textbook—I lived it.

I know the pain of broken trust in the most intimate relationship one can have. I’ve felt that pain in my bones, in my breath, in my being. The heartbreak. The confusion. The deep, internal chaos that makes it hard to know which way is up…or down for that matter.

I know all this feels like a nightmare—but it’s not. You’re awake. It’s real.

And through it all, I’ve made peace with chapters I never wanted to live through. I’ve slowly reclaimed parts of myself I thought betrayal had stolen. And while healing hasn’t been linear or easy, I remain devoted—not to perfection, but to presence. Not to arriving, but to returning and becoming. Every day, I choose wholeness, truth, and the possibility of becoming more fully myself.

And, I believe that with solid support, the right tools, and a commitment to managing your own healing journey, you can grow through all this too.

You CAN rebuild—yourself, your sense of safety, and your capacity for trust and intimacy.

does everyone heal and recover?

Honestly, no. But I’ve seen what’s possible when people show up for themselves—fully and courageously.

Sometimes that looks like finally telling the truth, setting boundaries that feel uncomfortable but necessary, asking for support, or choosing rest instead of numbing. These small, brave choices begin to change everything.

If you’re willing to show up—gently but honestly—face what’s real, stay curious, do the deeper work, and allow your worldview to expand, you may be surprised by the strength and clarity that rise within you. You can come through this—stronger, more grounded, and more you than ever before.

WHAT ABOUT MY MARRIAGE?

It’s a common question: Can we survive this? Well, that depends.

If your partner is also willing to show up, do the work, explore their own wounds, and examine their worldview—then yes, something new can be created.

It takes two to heal a relationship. It can’t just be one person doing all the work.

At the same time, this process also requires that you both stay in your own lane, when it comes to individual healing and recovery. You can’t be in each other’s business all the time nor can you make the other person do what’s necessary to heal and recover. I know that can feel scary, especially if you are the one who experienced the betrayal. There will be individual work, and there will be work done together. The ask here is to be patient.

Time, accountability, a willingness, and a commitment to rebuild your relationship are necessary ingredients for couples to navigate this path.

Is this simple? Yes.
Is this easy? No.
Is this possible? Absolutely!

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU try figuring this out by yourself?

You can try to piece this together on your own. There’s an ocean of information out there: podcasts, YouTube, quick fixes, IG posts, TikTok tips. And while information is good, it can quickly become overwhelming—and even counterproductive—if that’s all you’re leaning on.

I’ve seen it with clients. I’ve lived it myself.

Reading all the right books won't guarantee healing—especially if you're the only one reading them, and your partner feels like a project you're trying to fix.

Without additional support, you’ll likely feel emotionally drained, more confused, stuck in rumination, and unsure what to believe, think, or do, and in what order.

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST

You could call your insurance company and find a random couple’s therapist. Or, you might seek counsel from your pastor.
But here’s the deal, if you land with someone who isn’t trauma-informed or trained in betrayal recovery, you risk getting hurt again.

And, though I believe couples work is important, if done too soon, it can make things worse, especially if there’s an active addiction, deception, gaslighting, or denial. In these cases, couple’s therapy WON’T be helpful, in my opinion. This is based on personal experience and what I have seen and heard from couples who initially chose this route. And, if who you choose does not have proper training or a full grasp on addiction and/or problematic behaviors, there’s so much that can go wrong.

Many professionals mean well but aren’t equipped to walk with you through this. I’ve seen clients retraumatized because their pain wasn’t understood or respected.

You might try reaching out to family and/or friends, but their response isn’t guaranteed to be a benefit to you. If they say things like:

• ”It takes two to destroy a marriage.”

• ”You need to forgive and move on.”

• ”Don’t dwell on the past, think about the future.”

• “Maybe if you had just (fill in the blank) he wouldn’t have cheated on you.”

• ” You just need to pray, and let God handle it.”

• “Love covers a multitude of sins.”

• “This too shall pass.”

NONE of these statements are helpful.

What you need is stability, safety, and a clear path through the fallout of betrayal…and professionals who can safely guide you.

so who do you turn to?

Whether or not you choose to work with me, please find someone who gets it and is specialized in this arena.

• Choose someone trained in betrayal trauma and relational healing. This could be a coach, therapist or both; and maybe a pastor who is well versed in this arena for additional spiritual support.

• Don’t be dazzled by credentials alone. Yes, credentials matter—but presence, safety, and understanding matter more.

• Know what you value. Do their values align with yours? Do they seem like someone you can trust with your heart?

• Look for someone who understands the nuance of betrayal, infidelity, problematic compulsive behaviors - someone who respects your story, and who doesn't minimize or pathologize your response to deception and pain.

• Though talk therapy can help, know that trauma often lives in the body. For this reason, I recommend a healing path that integrates somatic work—whether with one professional or someone who is part of your care team.

Take your time. Trust your gut. Ask questions. And remember - you're interviewing the professional(s) who will guide you on this path, not the other way around.

NEXT STEPS?

To get a feel for how I support clients in their recovery journey:

1. Visit my Are We A Fit page.

2. Schedule a call with me.
   This is a no-pressure complimentary consultation. I’ll listen. I’ll get it. And I’ll point you toward something that feels right for you.
   Schedule a call with Dani

3. Sign up for my newsletter.
   You’ll get honest content, personal reflections, and practical tools for your healing journey—along with updates about support groups, workshops and events.
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Remember, you don’t have to carry this alone. Healing is possible—and you are worthy of it 💛